The rush flows through my body with a tingling sensation. My limbs begin to numb as my heart races. I do not panic, for this feeling is all too common. I am having an anxiety attack. I inhale and exhale slowly. Breathing through the nose, I hold for eight seconds and breath out through the mouth. I slow my pace through the neighborhood in preparation of my arrival to the new friends’ house. Katie, was a friend, that I had made only a week prior.

When I arrived at Katies’ house, I hear odd, yet, intriguing music. I have never heard such noise before. Standing there, I tried to decipher the different sounds orchestrating this bizarre music. Primarily, a flute is playing, with occasional drumming and chanting were the most pronounced in the blare. I find myself lost in this piece, forgetting that I need to knock on the door. In this moment of knocking, I realize that the anxiety is melting from my body. I feel as if I am standing in absolute tranquility. Nothing seems to break through the mental wall of calm that I have effortlessly put up around me due to this serene music.

That was the first time I had heard First Nations’ tribal music. I was unaware to the extent as to which this type of music, and Katie, changed my life. The song I heard standing on her porch that day was titled: Ancient Winds published by Jose Cabezas (Cabezas). Katie was a naturalist as well as a homeopath meaning, spiritual healing and homemade remedies were part of her daily life. Along with this enriching First Nation tribal music she had introduced me to. Using yoga mats, incents, candles, blackout curtains, and a stereo system she taught me how to meditate. How to clear my mind and focus on nothing except relaxing. I remember her quoting Buddha, “It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” (Buddha) This quote is tattooed to my soul in hopes of conquering my demons, and my anxiety.

Meditation became a ritual. Though my taste in First Nation tribal music has morphed into Gregorian chant, Celtic, Folk, and Classical. The chanting fits my persona of my individual meditation. The Kalarupa (Monks) is one of the oldest and most profound monk chanting songs that I have ever meditated to. It is deep and drastic! Near devoid of the smoothness of the Om chanting. Om chanting, is what I assume most people think of when they hear the words monk chanting. Chanting is very meditative since it has no accompanying instruments and holds the listener with its mystery. The rhythm helps regulate breathing without the need to focus on it. This breathing technique was a great contributor to why I took on chanting with my meditation ritual at that time. Tartini Violin Sonata “Devils Trill Sonata” is another piece that one would hear in my home regularly. These classical beauties help to calm the storm of anxiety inside of me. The classicalists tell stories without using words; this causing you to get lost into your own tale as you follow the notes in its melodious flow.

This discovery of music and meditation from Katie has opened the endless realm of knowledge in the ever-eternal conflict with anxiety. As the monster of anxiety breeches the surface and attacks my very soul, the hymnal chant Da Pacem Domine, roughly translated to Give peace O Lord is my very armor against such an ethereal being. This shield I use was given to me by a very special person, Katie. Though, we do not speak with each other anymore due to the constraints of life, the impact of her reach will be felt through the days. I wish to share my struggle and triumph, as this most precious gift was bestowed to me, I wish to give to others.

Works Cited

Buddha, Siddhartha. “Dharma.” c. 600 BCE–c. 300 BCE.

Cabezas, Jose. “Ancient Winds.” By Jose Cabezas. San Pablo, 2004.

Monks, The Gyume. “Sacred Tibet – Chants of the Gyume Monks.” By The Gyume Monks. n.d.